Singlehood Acceptance Month

Hello Team M,

This month is Singlehood Embracement Month (it's also Singlehood Appreciation Month, Singlehood Acceptance Month, and Singlehood Okayness Month). This month runs from October 15th to November 15th and will likely be renewed for another three month period, at the end of which, the success of the project will be reviewed (oh fuck, that's Valentine's Day, and that's just a weird day to have the review, maybe it's cool). Upon review, it may be replaced with Fuck, Singlehood is The Problem Year, but I'm hoping it won't come to that.

The Origins of Singlehood Embracement Month

Singlehood Embracement Month was founded in mid-October of 2007. I founded the holiday for different reasons. You can fill in the blanks.

How We Celebrate

The Taboos

(a) if feeling sad and lonely, that's okay for a moment, but don't dwell on it, and really try to squash the feelings asap. Then replace them with constructive thoughts .
(b) as corollaries to (a), definitely no thinking about the destructiveness of aforementioned negative feelings.
(c) no thinking about why or whether others are or are not smiling at you--it's not important and its probably not happening.
(d) no thinking about why or whether I'm smiling or not smiling at others--it's not important and its probably happening.
(e) don't think about having intimate emotional or physical connections that exceed platonic levels with friends, people that you see in the street, sidewalk, bus, office, or imagination.
(d) don't try and compare whether or not overall not being with people is better or worse than being with people; if it was a choice to sign up for, surely the latter would be better, but it's not the case, so don't mull over or lament this.
(e) no thinking about feelings of authenticity and being your true self as relates to being with anyone.

The Rituals

On a much more positive note, these months involve thinking of yourself as available if you want to be, (but importantly, as discussed in the Taboos section, not really thinking about such things at all and working hard to combat any negative feelings that may be associated with continued singleness). The celebration part of Singlehood Embracement Month is the cultivation and enjoyment of life in one's current state of affairs, where relationship/snuggling/making out status is taken as a given, not as a variable that you can assign a value to. Continued singleness isn't actually a requirement during Singlehood Embracement Month(s), but not caring about it is. "The rituals" aren't really rituals; the action would be reminding oneself to be chill out when confronted by sad, or potentially hurtful, thoughts or feelings on these matters.

Why We Celebrate

In all seriousness, for me, the point of Singlehood Embracement Month involves making a conscious effort to minimize troubles relating to an area of my life that has been proven too costly to even try to meddle with (because of internal and external factors, I suppose). Aside from avoiding negative effects, celebrating these months are a way to really make the most out of my time by keeping me focused on life in a form that is more realistic for me in the next few months--a single life--with all the adventure, creation, destruction, and mundaneness therein. These holidays come in short, renewable time periods so that a person doesn't wake up one day and realize that they have lived a loveless life and will be alone forever, which are some thoughts to consider briefly during the reflection and renewal days.

Some variations on Singlehood Embracement Month: "Mostly Single Goodness Month" and "Friendless, Loveless Winter Jubilee."

One may ask, "Isn't writing so much about (the) Singlehood Embracement Month(s) anathema to the very values contained in (the) Singlehood Embracement Month(s)?" Yes, but this post was written both as a necessary reminder of the reasoning behind the whole exercise and was begun as a therapeutic response to a low-point in the practice of Singlehood Okayness, as experienced earlier today and yesterday.

Here are some examples of articles that are supposed to be about how to be happy and single, but are actually super disheartening and alienating. They also miss the point of Singlehood Embracement Month entirely by requiring the reader to appreciate the advantages of singlehood over non-singlehood, rather than simply accepting the latter as a status determined by factors outside of your control:

Here's a good quote from one:
"Don’t be afraid to go to a restaurant by yourself either. Instead of having someone to talk to before, during and after your meal, bring a book or magazine to read. It will pass up the time. You’ll also notice that your meal is brought to you faster when you are by yourself than when you are with a date or a few people. I don’t know if it is because cooking one plate of food is quicker than cooking two or more and having them ready at the same time, or if the waiter is trying to get rid of you sooner by having you eat quickly so that they can get you out of their so a couple can have your table" (http://iaia.essortment.com/singleandhappy_pdf.htm).

Also, an article I can't relate to in any way includes this section:
"What You'll Miss About Being Single:
1. Take it from the late, great Kate (Hepburn): “If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.”
2. Going to the gym whenever you want, even at midnight. Nobody is waiting for you to get home.
3. Eating chips and salsa for dinner. Getting married does not a gourmet make, but busting out the chips and salsa for dinner doesn't really work for a guy.
4. Plucking your eyebrows for hours on end without someone asking what the heck is going on in there.
5. Going out after work with friends without having to call home to “check in.” A wedding band doesn't mean you'll never go out for happy hour, but it does mean calling to make sure it's cool with your hubby (in an evolved, non-permission-slip-type way)" (http://love.ivillage.com/snd/singleloveit/0,,bl93vrtg-2,00.html).

That's all. At the top of this post is a picture of some trees that are a kind that I like, but not like that.